Words: Wade Davis
The biggest surfing spectacle in surfing is only a fortnight away. The past month, this “July” is a tough one for the keen surf fan. It’s been a dry July, as in nobody has gotten wet in the sea surfing in competitions, not as in we’ve abstained from beer (are you loco?) There are no men’s WCT events to titillate us, with the exception of the US Open, which is good for a spectacle, but a different type of spectacle than the one we want to watch. No, July is when the surfers, the guys who get paid to SURF take a break from their surfing and go surfing. If we had our way we’d make the guys slug it out week-in and week-out, and whatever kind of dribble presented itself then and there. We’d have events in Bondi, in Phillip Bay, that wave they used to surf under the underpass in Japan, Brazil again. And again. We’d make them surf Biarritz in summer (lol, jokes, we’d never do that), send them to Israel and get them out on Kuta Beach in Bintang singlets and on plastic mini mals.
But we’re frothers, and you will thank your lucky stars that nobody leaves us in charge of organising these circuses. The wise and hardy folk that do, at the ASP and at Billabong, have decided that optimal swell window for the Tahitian Baby Eater, Teahupo’o, is the second half of August. So that’s when the event is on, two weeks, fourteen days, from today. Do we need to introduce Teahupo’o? Probably not, but we will anyway. It’s the end of the road, the wall of skulls, the biggest, meanest left this side of anywhere. It’s a place where boys become men, until it gets too big and then men become boys. It’ll make you, break you, throw you against the reef and shake you. It’ll grind your bones to make its bread. It’ll take you all the way to heaven, man, but not before it’s given you a decent taste of hell.
Think we’re being hyperbolic? Well, yeah, we are. But we’re an excitable bunch, and this year we’re going to be out there, bringing you all the action as it happens, live from the channel, wetting our little knickers. The event kicks off on the 15th of August, the trials a few days before. When it happens you’ll be able to watch it live at http://www.billabongpro.com/tahiti13, and here on Surfing Life where we’ll be updating daily with all kinds of tropical nonsense.