Words Mimi LaMontagne

It’s hot as hell on the Gold Coast in summer. Our days are filled with sweat and northerlies and dreams of a cold, far away land, and a better wage so we can kit ourselves out with air conditioning (never going to happen). So when we heard that Garrett Parkes, a resident of also-just-as-hot-but-filled-with-more-homeless-people-Byron Bay, took an escape trip to Iceland, we had to know more. So we played 20 questions and Garrett took it in stride.

Here are 20 questions that, combined, give you the ultimate guide to surfing Iceland. Or maybe they’re just entertaining. 

img 4984-copy-2Photo via Arctic Surfers.

1. We’ve heard the women in Iceland are quite attractive. Is this true?

Haha, yes there are some beautiful Nordic girls inhabiting Iceland, but on the trip I went on, we were five stinking surfer bums in a van, so we didn’t stand a chance.

2. Is there REALLY an app where they check that they’re not about to hook up with their cousin, because it’s such a small place with too few people?

I haven’t heard of this app, but I doubt it.

(Note: Garrett, you’re wrong. There is an app: http://www.bloomberg.com/bw/articles/2013-04-17/in-iceland-an-app-to-warn-if-your-hookup-is-a-relative)

3. Eat or see much strange food? 

We were on the road a lot of the time, so our diet consisted of petrol station hotdogs and instant coffee. The hotdogs are a must, though, and I’m not even kidding. They’re amazing.

4. How cold was the water? Was it really fucking cold?

The water was icy cold, as you could imagine, but the main factor was the wind! 

On the sunny calm days you could surf a lot longer then, say, on the days when it was minus five, 30-knot offshore winds and dumping snow. We wore five millimetre full suits, booties, gloves and a thermal vest underneath, with a hood attached to the vest. It was really hard to surf, and you use up your energy reserves a lot quicker because your body is trying to stay warm.

5. Do you think you could you surf in the winter, or would there be too many icebergs floating around?

Haha. Middle winter is pretty gnarly apparently – one surf a day would definitely be enough.

6. How many times do you think you can you go surfing in one day without dying? 

It depends on your gear and how keen you are. We averaged one surf, but if the arvo looked fun and you managed to dry your suit while you had lunch or breakie you could surf again, but most of the time you’re frozen to the bone. It takes a while to thaw out, so normally I’d just decide against that second surf and have another brew instead! 

7. How many waterfalls did you see?

There were lots of runoffs from the glaciers and we saw heaps of amazing waterfalls. One that sticks in mind was when it was so windy that it actually was blowing the waterfall upwards!

8. What’s the weirdest wildlife you saw? 

There’s not a lot of wildlife, but heaps of lava plains and features. We saw a troll and a dead whale. 

9. What’s the best time of year to go? Is there anywhere else nearby you can go, or would want to? 

September, October is pretty choice I think – maybe some of the other Nordic countries would be cool! I’m keen to get cooollllddd. It’d be pretty cool to go dead winter too, so our summer.

10. Did you attempt Icelandic? 

Nah, I learnt please and thank you, beer, and cheers – people saw my white hair though and thought I was Icelandic and tried to speak to me in local tongue.

11, Fondest memory of your excursion? 

Surfing a six foot right point with three guys while it was dumping snow. It doesn’t get more idyllic.

12. One place you have to go eat in Iceland?

I was serious when I said the hotdogs were good. They’re friggin’ mental. Go to any of the many truck stops. Their beers and schnapps are really good too.

13. One place you have to go surf?

We found some really fun waves! If anything, I’d say just rent a van and hit the island ring all the way around. You’ll be surprised what epic setups you come across! The island ring road is the one stop shop for sightseeing and wave hunting. We drove around the whole island in 11 days and it was amazing.

14. One thing you must bring on your trip? 

A good wetsuit! No schedule, and a camera. Maybe some thermals, a couple pairs of thick socks, and a flask.

15. One tourist attraction that’s actually worth it?

The iceberg lake is pretty rad as are the multiple glaciers. Pretty much the whole place is epic and anyone would be able to enjoy it, even if it’s touristy.

16. Best way to pick up an Icelandic babe? 

Try the local lingo, carry an axe or just be really, really ridiculously good looking.

17. One place you must spend at least one night in?

Bar the cities and get out in the countryside! Bar the cities, forget the bars, get out there and discover the amazing landscapes and natural wonderland that is Iceland. Seriously.

18. One thing you must remember before you go surfing in the coldest water you’ve ever touched?

It’s going to be cold, so embrace the cold and think of something hot. Haha.

19. One place you must sleep?

In the van, when it’s so cold inside of your car that the windscreen is frozen across – if its not icy on the inside, you ain’t cold enough.

20. One piece of overall advice?

Seek and you shall find.