A Girlfriend’s Guide to the Surfer

Words: Lauren Szasz

No matter how much you might try to win your man back from his other love, you'll lose. So just accept it ... and join in. Photo: Jeremiah Hennessey.

For those women out there who have ever dated a surfer, you can relate to my story and I to yours. We’re part of a sisterhood and we must unite. We’re a powerful force of women who stick with our men through the unexpected shifts of the tides … literally. We’re much like the “politician’s wife”, but she has nothing on us. She may live in fear of the things she’ll never know about her husband - the shady dealings he may be involved in or the fear that there is another woman. For us, we do not fear there’s another woman … we know there is!

And her name you ask? It’s the goddamn sea.

Oh yes ... with lines like that she sure is a tempting mistress. Photo: Sean Radich

I’ve had the pleasure of dating my boyfriend for over five years. I feel like I know him inside and out: what makes him happy, what makes him laugh uncontrollably, what makes him cry like a girl (a surprise pinky to the rectum will do that, which coincidentally makes me laugh uncontrollably). I know all the things that make him uniquely wonderful, and he knows the same about me. He is genuinely the most incredible, dependable boyfriend I could ask for … but, there is a caveat to our blissful love story.

He’s the most incredible, dependable boyfriend unless any of the following scenarios occur A) a huge swell has come in, B) the wind is howling offshore, or C) there is a break of any kind that is over 1-2 feet. I’m always wary of making weekend plans with Nick. We often have ‘day dates’ planned where we arranged to go to yoga, bike, or picnic on the beach. I’ve literally been sitting in a yoga class about to enter my zen state, when Nick’s phone buzzes (one of his friends letting him know “it’s going off”) and he’s gone in two seconds. But I must admit, I will say that I knew what I was getting into from the beginning. Surfing is his passion, his life. I’m not one to interfere with that kind of love.

But, that’s not to say I’ve always been so calm and understanding. I’ve often been curious as to the pull that the ocean has over him. The sea is like a seductive mistress that rips his attention away from me and sends my man running into her arms with the snap of her finger … or the crash of her wave I should say. I even went through a phase where I was open to threesomes. I would go out and surf with Nick on numerous occasions. But after the bitch tried to drown me three or four times, I decided to hand in my towel.

But if you join in, don't be surprised if you lose out, no matter how much you try to tempt him. Photo: Jeremiah Hennessey.

Ladies of the sisterhood, my point is this: there’s no reason to get upset when plans are changed last minute due to afternoon offshore winds, or a killer swell. It’s all part of the mystery and seduction of the sea. I accept this as part of the person I love and I’m happier not fighting it. I do, however, recommend removing all surfboards from the bedroom. No one needs that kind of competition.

At the end of the day I feel secure knowing that I’m one of Nick’s two loves. May the best woman win. But I will admit that I do feel confident that I have the upper hand. After all, she has crabs and I pee in the ocean all the time.

Want more of Lauren’s thoughts on dating a surfer? Check out her first instalment of advice, and stay tuned for next week when she tells you why it's better to go to the strippers with your boyfriend than let him try to teach you to surf.