Advice From a Surfer’s Girlfriend

Words: Lauren Szasz

No matter how much fun you might be having out in the surf, even topless tanning on the sand gets boring after a while. Ryan Callinan puts on a show for these French beauties. Photo: Andrew Shield.

Dating a surfer requires a superhuman amount of flexibility and patience - not qualities that women usually have in high abundance. But I have become used to the fact that my boyfriend and I will never sleep-in together again on the weekends, and that Modern Collective is on constant repeat on our television. I can live with that.

We chicks love dating surfers: you are in great shape, it provides plenty of opportunity to travel to beautiful surf spots … and it’s just a turn on.

I usually feel that way. Unfortunately, it’s not always sunshine and afternoon delights. To all of you guys out there with non-surfing girlfriends, there are a few things you can do to make our lives easier ... and your sex life better.

First of all, we can’t understand you. When I recently asked my boyfriend how his session went he said, “Yeah, I just shoulder-hopped the inside reforms and pulled into a couple peaky nugs when I paddled out the back.” Somehow that sounds both racist and gay. I’ve always tried to enforce a strict “no-douche-bag-rule” in my house. Needless to say, a dollar went into the jar. You can say that shit to your surfer friends, but when you say it to your girlfriend who doesn’t surf, you are entering douche territory and it definitely won’t help you get laid.

"You said one more wave!" You can tell by her body language that she is not a happy girl.

Then there’s the problem of where you decide to surf. No offence, but you guys can turn into total divas when it comes to choosing a surf spot. It’s embarrassing and maddening to witness. I’ve never seen a chick spend as much time to pick out an outfit as it does for you to pick the perfect spot. Oh yeah, and then you have to pick the perfect board based on the conditions! By the time this process is complete I could have gotten ready for a night out, read a book cover-to-cover, and gone through my entire menstrual cycle. My advice: if you don’t have a pre-selected destination in mind, leave your lady behind.

In spite of all this, I somehow just recently agreed to marry my boyfriend. Can you guess where he proposed? That’s right, in the water. It was actually really romantic and sweet. I did, however, ask him if he would be willing to forego surfing on our week-long honeymoon. It didn’t go over well. He actually put up a fight. It was not his smartest move.

There are going to be times where, if you want to keep your girlfriend happy, you’re going to have to choose the vagina over surfing. It just has to happen … for instance, on your honeymoon.

I’ve come to the realization that dating a surfer is payback for all of the hell chicks put men through in general.

So … call it even?

Even Jordy Smith knows that you have to make some sacrifices for your girl ... even if that means wearing matching ugg boots in front of your mates. Billabong Pro J-Bay 2011. Photo: Matt Kelson.

Well, guys and girls, what do you think about Lauren's advice?

Have you had troubled with the surfer/non-surfing-girlfriend dynamic? Tell ASL all about it and maybe Lauren can give you her perspective from the other side.

Joel Parkinson gives the other point of view, recounting what it was like when he took his boards on his honeymoon.

And if you want to see more of Lauren's writings, you can check out her corporate hell-blog, Business Casual.